The reason you’re not meeting high quality women is because you’re still “tolerating” the ones that aren’t a good fit.
The women who are really only interested in dinner, the ones who don’t ask any questions and aren’t really engaged in anything you have to say, the ones who complain, only talk about themselves / their ex / drone on about work / gossip.
I do this really fun thing with my male clients…. I’ll go on a virtual “mock date” with them! It’s like a coffee date over skype!
It’s a great way for me to see what they’re actually doing when they are on a date and give them real-time feedback about how they are coming across.
Sometimes, I’ll ask my client to train me on who I should be on the date. Last week my client asked me to play someone boring, distracted, not engaged, and asking 0 questions!
So, I did! I hammed it up! I played the worst date I could fathom – yawning, looking around, answering with one-word-answers.
This was very illuminating for him!
As we were mocking this conversation I noticed that he immediately went into “nice guy mode”, tip toeing around my mood and making suggestions for how I might fix my problem in the hope that I would feel better.
I was droning on and on about my work and about how much I hated my boss and he suggested ‘what if I work from home’, or what if I took some time off.
It was pretty painful for both of us!
The more I droned the nicer he got, and the more he tried to fix how I was feeling.
When it came time for feedback I asked why he thought it was his responsibility to fix my mood and “tolerate” my checked-out-ness?
Where were his standards for how he wanted to be treated and why wasn’t he communicating them?
News flash!
If you’re on a first date and someone is clearly and continuously checked-out, bored, irritated and not engaged….
It is not your responsibility to coach them, make them feel better, fix their problems, cheer them up etc.
Guess what, you don’t even have to continue the date!
In fact, you should be taking notes about the level of engagement, respect, and thoughtfulness that this person is showing you!
You are on this date because you are looking for a stellar human being to have profound connection with, right?
You are on this date because you’re doing the “choosing”, yes?
Gosh, I hope so!
You’re there to enjoy yourself, right? If you don’t think this is a main reason why you’re there then I strongly recommend trying this on!
You’re there to be choosy and selective because this is someone who you are potentially going to spend an extended amount of time with(possibly a lifetime).
…and if you’re thinking, yeah but how do I attract the high quality women that aren’t going to treat me like I don’t exist when they are on a date with me?
Well, first STOP making concessions for behaviors that don’t work for you with the women you ARE dating.
With compassion, speak your truth when something doesn’t feel good to you.
Own your emotions and share them instead of trying to stuff and invalidate your irritation.
Due your due diligence before agreeing to a date like getting on the phone with someone. If they’re not engaged on the phone they most likely won’t be engaged on a date.
Start noticing the red flags that are glaringly obvious before you ever step foot in that restaurant / coffee shop / bar.
Those red flags show up when you’re communicating in a dating app, texting or having a phone conversation.
The way you’re going to attract a high-quality partner is by first having standards, operating from them, and sharing them with the women you’re dating.
When women start to feel this from you you will be like a moth to a flame for women who respect your time, YOU and are eager to spend time with you.
You will repel the women who don’t listen, aren’t engaged and are consumed with only themselves. They will feel that you have the standards that won’t tolerate their poor attitude and will move on to their next aloof target.